Diary Of an Urban Man ‘3’ “Fools Paradise”

18 February 2010

My dear diary sometimes when you wake up in the morning you wish you were only dreaming and would likely wake up hours later then you realize it was indeed reality and you can’t run from it today was one of such morning, some truths are so hard to accept even when you realize it was nothing but the fact you still wish someone would tell you it was a lie, Val and Joe getting married doesn’t just add up to any calculation by my own thoughts. But it was going to happen whether I like it or not, yesterday when Val called me she hinted at the very possibility even though she told me that her heart was still with me I knew better. I felt a certain anger from whence I knew not the source but one thing was certain It was directed towards the man in the center of it all Joe! I was already beginning to miss Julie, I called her but her phone was off, I tried a couple of times just out of frustration till I gave up and left her a message to call me back. Valarie had told me she was coming back later in the day and had promised to see me as soon, I was desperate to avoid a confrontation between her and Julie as I know I had lost one and wasn’t ready to lose the other. At 4 pm I was on my way from the airport with Val, I missed you love, I believe you were rather messing with your ex at my absence, you got it all wrong, it was just mere talk and nothing else, you didn’t respond properly to my question about the man my Dad is trying to marry me off to, he is just a major customer at my outlet that’s it. The way he recommended you on the phone suggested better, so you actually marrying him right, I didn’t say so! Why will he be searching for wedding attires if the plans for marriage is not under way? I don’t know what am doing Beckley I just want to be with you till this nightmare is over. You meaning till you hop into his bed? Stop it babe. I love you so much that’s all I can think of right now. When I stopped in front of her house I didn’t oblige pretending I was too angry to! But deep down I didn’t want any confrontation with Joe as I know he might come to check on her, I didn’t want to lose my business deal with her that I had lost already, Julie hadn’t called yet, how much I needed her now.

19 February 2010

Dear dairy you can’t have it all in life no matter hard you try, when the decision comes to the point you have got to choose between someone you have lost already and someone you are sure will always be, here logic belittles love, you gain nothing chasing shadows nor do you amass treasure counting the stars, Val was already lost in the sea of influence that surround her why should I throw my life away sinking with her. As every woman would change with the tide succumb to pressure leaving the man to bear the loss I don’t think Val would be different but I was not ready to give up and I am yet to have a feel of this woman’s warmth and the fact she would be marrying Joe made it a challenge for me, I must have his wife before he lay hands on her the thought was exciting even though I knew it was wrong. I was still going over these thoughts when my phone rang, it was Val, babe we are going to Paris this weekend! It was the biggest surprise I have had in a while, I don’t understand Val, just make sure your travel document are up to date, I just booked two seats on a flight bound for Paris on Sunday, either your on board or you can forget me forever. I love you Val but don’t you think this is a bit sudden, see you at the airport on Sunday, don’t call or message me I will be with my fiancee till then. I could tell something was wrong from her tone, the urgency to put an end to the call, she was in some kind of trouble I could sense it, I ask myself another time do I want to be drawn into this drama or should I total pull out, one thing was certain beneath it all a part of me still love her, crave for her and still wanted her. I called Julie but her phone was still off, I was beginning to get worried but had to shrug it off, even when I visited her apartment the gate man told me Madam left with a bit of package. She must have gone for some movie production I reasoned to comfort my thought of her in another man’s arms.

20 February 2010

Dear diary some feelings are rather intoxicating even more than alcohol, it drains your mental strength that you find it hard to focus on anything you do, some situations are better left to exist as a secret only to be contemplated in your thoughts, but then what is the use of contemplating on a question you already know the answer to, hence If Val wants me to travel to Paris with her I would but then there was another disturbing fact the marriage was to be held on 27th February, I wondered how the navigated the date to be so sudden, so I wondered was Val running away? Was I at the middle of something I don’t know? To get my answers I have to be on plane bound for Paris tomorrow. I had already placed every order for the wedding, the only missing piece in my thought was Julie, how much I wanted her now, I know she would have saved me from the situation. One thing was certain though am going to Paris.

21 February 2010

I sat beside Val, confused and dazed that I didn’t realize when the plane took off, even though her left fingers filled the spaces between my right fingers the was no connection in our thought and feelings as I was drawn into my self, I kept wondering what was I doing, was i running away with someone’s daughter, my mind went off to my parents at home I didn’t even tell them I was leaving. I was so unaware of my surrounding that I couldn’t tell the color of the suit the hostess wore. Val seem lost too in her own world, her palms were cold when she turned to look at me and our eyes met, her eyes was blank there was no emotion in them. Even though we kept our gaze a moment longer there was no words spoken, her prominent nose just hung in between, when she spoke the words were few and the sound was faint, “Babe please ask no questions till Paris” I just nodded my head in a understanding way. She placed her head on my chest even though the Victoria secret perfume she wore filled my nostrils, my mind drifted off to Julie only moments later. My Paris journey had only began. Dear diary some words are better left unsaid while some questions are better left unanswered. Val was a question, our love just like words.

22 February 2010

Dear diary I arrived Paris confused, but immediately we alighted, Val transformed from a moody woman to a happy girl she giggled almost every time our eyes met, she had everything arranged, the limo and the suite, I was only more confused when we checked in as a holiday couple. I sat on the edge of the bed and watched as Val directed the hotel attendant were to place our little boxes, we made small talk and she proceeded to have her bath, when she came out with only a white towel covering from her bare shoulder to her thighs I couldn’t contain my thoughts any longer, what are we doing Val? I mean why are we in Paris? You said you love me Beckley here I am, you should be getting married you know. But am still single till next week right? so you are going to marry Joe. Can we not talk about this right now, she was already standing between my kneels her hands placed on my shoulder, I could smell her shampoo. I swallowed hard when her towel let loose and fell around her ankles. She was naked before me, she knelt and stared me deep in the eyes, I could wait no longer, kissing her seem to awaken sexual hunger, within minutes we were both naked.

23 February 2010

Dear diary when you woke to a beautiful woman on your bed the feelings can’t be measured. I stared into the adjoining street from the window, it was filled with people moving in both directions, If I was confused last night I wanted this woman more now, she was getting married in 5 days time the more I thought about it the more confused I became. She hugged me from behind placing her chin on my shoulder, good morning baby. Hope u slept well dear, wish I could sleep like this forever. We are going out to buy a few things she announced. Shopping? I was a little confused! That’s what I plan to do today Val replied flatly, I didn’t drag it any longer with her. We stood at the window embraced in each other hands watching the sun raise over Paris. We shopped for about 6 hours, when ever she tried any clothe or jewelry on she asked my opinion, she instigated me to buy some shirts and ties! The will look good on you babe, I was just lost in the moment following Val from one outlet to another that by the end we had visited 5 shopping marts. When we arrived back to our suit I was so tired she seem tired too but was too excited to retire with me. There is a special show by Nigerian comedians we should attend she announced. Am worn out babe can we just go for dinner later, I already bought tickets online. Val was just impossible and I had to agree. Few hours later after a quick nap and a light meal we proceeded to the show. While I choose to dress simple Val was simply too beautiful in her tight fitting kneel length black gown, her silver colored heel sandals made her stood out. Your beautiful Val I confessed as we stepped into the waiting limo. Thanks she replied with a giggle. When the spot light turned on the hostess of the evening, I thought I was dreaming, it was almost impossible to believe but indeed Julie was the center of attraction tonight.

24 February 2010

Dear diary how do I explain this feeling, looking at Julie on stage and knowing she is the one that should be sitting beside me while beside me sat Val who will soon be gone, I realized I had made a mistake allowing Julie go while chasing shadow, Val was playing a crude game I am just floating along. All my attempts to locate Julie after the show was fruitless as Val won’t let me out of her site, I dread a confrontation between them cause I will be on the losing end. Me and Val went out to the parks, had long silent walk, took pictures which we promised to keep secret. My mind was already going blank towards her and I sensed she knew cause the giggle was gone, the smiles no longer flashed and her steps were sometimes unsteady. When returned to our hotel, the usual excitement to make love was gone, when she kissed me my lips were cold, the sexual urge was gone, all I thought about was how to contact Julie. What is wrong Babe? Nothing Val I just have a lot on my mind. She didn’t say much and the silence started to irritate me, I needed a drink. I am going to bar. I sat by the pool side sipping directly from the bottle my Favorite Jack Daniels. I watched two lovers kiss on the other side of the pool, I felt a certain emptiness within. I miss Julie much more than I ever did now.

25 February 2010

Dear diary everyday brings with it a new feeling, there is a certain freshness to a new day that gives hope. Am going back to Nigeria by noon, her voice was flat, I didn’t know whether to be happy or sad, whether to argue or not, our visa ran till next week even though I knew Val would soon leave I had sometimes thought she wasn’t going to marry Joe, that she would tell me the marriage stuff was over and we would return to Nigeria as lovers then win over her parents. I knew about Julie Beckley! I thought it was over but after you saw her at the show I realized I had no place in your life. You could come to the wedding if you wish. Thanks for the time we shared. I couldn’t not stand cause I felt very dizzy, I leaned on the wall for support, everything seem to be happening so fast, Julie appearing Val leaving. Not that I couldn’t persuade Val to stay nor try to reason with her but I couldn’t bring myself to think if I wanted that, she had made up her mind why should I interfere, coming to Paris was her Idea so why should I even try to stop her, my mind was solely on Julie now. I went out on a long aimless walk, stopping by some bars to take shots, I just wanted to be all by self. When I returned around 9 pm Val was gone for real, I felt quick upset in my stomach. I went to sleep thinking about how to reach Julie.

26 February 2010

Dear diary I certainly have thought of a way to reach Julie last night I called her image manager who was in Nigeria and he sent me a number through which to reach her, I tried a few times and was answered by a machine, certainly she had not slept in her bed I was furious now, around 7 am this morning I dialed again, her tiny voice whispered hello, hey Julie it’s Beckely! What Beckely! How did you get this number? Let’s not argue about that babe, can I see you. Well sorry am in Paris, am in Paris too! What! How! She probably had not checked her phone screen, am due for a rehearsal this morning, I will see you in the evening. I gave her my suite address, she objected to coming my hotel room to my surprise, finally I convinced her but not without her still saying she doesn’t like the idea. When I ended the call, I wondered why Julie wasn’t much excited to see me, I was granting her access back into my life but she was kicking against it. I brushed the feeling aside telling my self it was mere women problem. Later that evening I was sitting beside an elegantly dress Julie whose mini skirt showed her fresh laps, and her white blouse project her breasts in the most seductive manner, I was already mentally kissing her luscious lips as we exchanged pleasantries, Julie I want us back together, she smiled but it was a bitter smile with no humor in it, babe I have moved on, what do you mean you have moved on? I am dating someone else and we here together in Paris. I wasn’t sure I heard her well, I was going to question her but it seem useless, Julie you can’t do this to me, am sorry Beckley but when I heard about that doctor babe of yours I knew it was over. You can’t be serious Julie, Val and I are just… Sleeping together? She didn’t let me finish. You have hurt me enough and I have moved on, if you don’t mind I have a date with my new mate. You don’t love him Julie and you know it, well he loves me that’s all that matter and the sex is great too. I was now angry, furious, confused! I wanted to strangle her and at same time I wanted her to understand. Both seem impossible as she was already at the door, take care of you babe. I was shocked to the marrows, the thought of some dude banging Julie tonight was just too much to bear, my feet and palms were very cold, light sweat formed on my fore head, for a moment I thought I would break down and cry. I just wanted a good lay and some booze badly, I made calls to the airport and was lucky to secure a flight back home tomorrow around 5 pm. I had a quick shower, wore my leather jacket and went to one of the clubs I had seen earlier down the street, I sat at one of the dark corners, sipping my Jack Daniels, when I noticed one of the strippers staring in my direction, I motioned her to come over, I asked her if she would love to spend the night, she gave me her price which I promised to forfeit, her name was Nicole.

27 February 2010

Dear diary I arrived home a sad man, I was too drunk to write my feelings, not even my sales manager knew I was in town. I woke what a severe banging in my head, my body was hot and my back was arched badly. I didn’t move from my bed for an hour or two even though I was fully awake, I just stared at the ceiling re collecting the events of the past days, the drama surrounding the whole happening, the feel of Val’s skin, the taste of Julie’s lips. I had both at a time but now I had none. I decided I wasn’t going to suck my self to death, they were gone and gone for good. I managed a quick shower and pulled out one of my best suit. I am off to Val’s wedding….

1 April 2010

Dear diary what started as a joke this morning at the office is certainly turning out to be a complicated reality, I was pretty stunned to see Julie waiting for me when I arrived at the shop the moody look on her face radiating an aura of complexity. I asked her to my office without exchanging much pleasantries I asked the obvious question, Julie what are you doing here? Babe what sort of question is that? Can’t I come by to see you eh! I am not insinuating any grudges but you coming before 9 am is not a very normal situation. I am engaged to Jide! Even though I felt a sharp pain I didn’t let it show, oh that’s the guy name I hope am getting invited to the wedding.

My smile hung in the air as Julie sat stone faced. Babe am pregnant with our child, what? I hope this is some joke Julie. Am dead serious, but you normally took your pills. I don’t know what happened but I am pregnant and your are the father. I am equal confused as you are, I wouldn’t want to get Jide involved in this neither do I want to abort my child. I was neither angry at her nor at myself, I have know Julie too long to know when she was serious so I didn’t doubt her. Okay come tomorrow evening over to my house we would talk about this. She didn’t say much but simply agreed and left. I sat too dazed to concentrate on any other thing throughout the reminder of the day. Julie’s pregnancy wasn’t the only problem I had, yesterday I proposed to Ngozi a beautiful lady I met at a beauty contest recently, she was a designer and we seem to share very much same interest. Now Julie was back to spoil the fun…..


One Response to “Diary Of an Urban Man ‘3’ “Fools Paradise””

  1. Remarkable! Its genuinely amazing article, I have got much clear idea about from this


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